By Rebecca Ellerman, eldest daughter of Bill C. Dotson
“For God who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ has shone in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ” (2 Cor. 4:6).
This past August an MRI report revealed a severe bulge in three discs in my neck, and cause for an anterior cervical disc fusion surgery. I had to face the darkness. I had never had surgery, and at one point right afterward, looked Sarah Peyton in the eye and said I don’t think I’m going to make it. The truth was the pain was agonizing, but God was present.
Upon returning home, God used a friend to send a devotional book by Joni Erickson Tada called, “The Practice of the Presence of Jesus– Daily Meditations on the Nearness of our Savior”. It is a blending of her writings coupled with Brother Lawrence’s classic “The Practice of the Presence of God”. Years earlier, the writings of Brother Lawrence had been a close companion of mine.
And Joni has always held my admiration as she chartered the path of embracing disability with courage, which I have gleaned in the care of my son, Will, who has Down Syndrome. Neither this friend nor my back door neighbor, Peggy, who came and made scrambled eggs for me at 11am for days, could have known how God was using them. Others praying fervently, sending flowers, ice packs, Vitamin C, gift cards, meals, and cards/texts have been faithful conduits of God’s face shining rays of light, overflowing with hope and joy.
Yielded and Available. Pain ushers in us all a deeper sense of our weakness. It also calls us to choose to be yielded and available to God.
With anticipation, I opened Joni’s book and combed through the daily subtitles for where to begin. One devo jumped out and I knew THIS was prescribed by God. Joni wrote, “I sat quietly for a few minutes; then, sensing self-pity on the rise, I chose a different path. I remembered in
whose presence I sat. I knew somehow, that which I did with that moment would count for all eternity.” Pg. 135, The Practice of the Presence of Jesus
Hours later (4am), my pain began to bear down like in a fiery furnace. Sound machines were blaring and I could not get out of bed. My flesh offered it’s best attempt – “go get a snack”, but I knew and recalled what God had shown me through Joni’s pain – and I had made the choice to sit quietly and remember in whose presence I sat. And what began welling up in my heart was His Word.
“I lift up my eyes to the hills” (selah). “From where does my help come from”? (Psa. 121.1) I repeated each line over and over again as it anchored my will to His. I believed. Then declared with my trust; “My help comes from the LORD” (selah); “the Maker of heaven and earth”. (Psa. 121.2)
Reciting aloud His Word proved true. His Word filled me with hope at my pivotal point. Those 3 hours filled me with rays of His light in darkness. His Word enveloped me like a canopy. I cannot remember a time I was more tranquil and undisturbed. The cosmic battle going on around me was fought and won by the Sword of the Spirit, His Word.
“Just Give Me JESUS”
7AM – as if a moment later, a text dropped asking “How are you”? And shared how she had felt a loss of focus this Christmas and wanted to simply pass on what she was fixed upon to help her; a YouTube with Anne Graham Lotz from 2009: “Just Give Me Jesus”. Anne began with: “Sometimes, life’s cares and concerns can be overwhelming, can’t they”? Anne shared her own struggles and pain, but then declared this: “I don’t want to escape. I don’t want to quit. I don’t want sympathy. I don’t even want a miracle. Just give me Jesus”…As I listened over and over to
Anne recount who Jesus is, I was overcome and said “Yes, LORD, just give me JESUS”.
I’m not able to record here all that God has done in these weeks following surgery. I keep a pen in hand and want to be a scribe to anything He is teaching me. Through His Light, we can choose to sit in His Presence, where there is hope, and a pathway that leads us to joy with Him. And as my dear friend and boss, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth (author and host, Revive Our Hearts) says; “Gratitude is one of the chief ways God infuses us with joy and resilience in the daily struggles in life”.
If you’ve stumbled upon this devo, or had it shared, have lost your way, or your hope seems dim, recite and take hold of this precious promise.
Isaiah 50:10 – “If you are walking in darkness, without a ray of light, trust in the LORD and rely on your God”.
Let us encourage one another in these things. May you have a hope-filled New Year.